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Negativity Spiral



A Great Idea …

“You can work your way out of a reasonably good marriage by focusing on what you are not getting out of it and turning negative toward your mate, who will in turn give you even less and thereby help justify your leaving.” (Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy, William J. Doherty, in his book, Take Back Your Marriage p. 36)

In Other Words …

When we choose to focus on the negative in our partners and relationships, we start a downward spiral. Not only do we see less and less good, but we actually get less and less that’s good because of the negative environment we create.

When we are in the midst of a stormy day, we may want to keep our mouths shut and our minds in neutral until the sun is shining in our souls again. In fact, sunny times and sunny statements are the ones that strengthen relationships.
How This Applies to You…

When you are tempted to think negatively about your partner, pause. Take a moment, and remember the positive things that made you fall in love in the first place. Remember the good times you’ve shared. If you simply can’t get the sun shining, at least take a break from judging and talking until you feel more peaceful.

To Find Out More…

For more great ideas (or to share your ideas) check out the Navigating Life’s Journey blog

For an excellent (and free!) program on marriage, see The Marriage Garden at Arkansas Families.

For an excellent book focused on marriage, read Take Back Your Marriage by William J. Doherty or The Marriage Garden by H. Wallace Goddard and James P. Marshall.

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