May God Our Gold Refine

We gingerly pick our way through life’s options trying to minimize our distress and maximize our enjoyment. We flinch at the prospect of an all-vegetable dinner. We contort ourselves to reach each nutrient-free dessert. It would seem that the winners in life are those who navigate life on a cruise ship.

Yet few people experience such uninterrupted sweetness in life. We have a friend who fights an endless battle against numbing depression. Another struggles (with little success) to master compulsions that repeatedly have devastated her life. Another dear friend anguishes with doubts about life and God.

Adult realities are often quite different from our youthful dreams. In the course of our married life, Nancy has had many miscarriages. We lost count somewhere around twenty. In the midst of the early miscarriages, we prayed, got priesthood blessings, spent many hours in doctors’ offices, and fasted. But the miscarriages—and frustration—continued. At one time of keen disappointment, I even threatened heaven with permanent ill-will. “Why should so many people who don’t want children get them while those of us who yearn for them are denied them?”

As a result of our unanswered hope, I learned a very useful lesson: Be grateful in all things. I learned to say each time we lost another pregnancy, “That is great.” If asked why it was great, I could not give a reason. I merely knew that it felt good to go beyond accepting our disappointment with resignation to embracing it with joy.

Our experiences provided a priceless and timeless lesson. I no longer demand that God explain His purposes to me. It is enough that it happened. I trust that He will use it to bless us. Indeed, He already has. When I simply trust Him, I feel a keen joy in faith. Faith bathes every experience with sublime purpose. I still do not prefer miscarriages, but, when they come, I rejoice.

“Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks” (D&C 98:1).

In everything give thanks, for the good, the bad, and the baffling.

“Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted” (D&C 98:2).

Somehow, in ways we cannot comprehend, God is doing exactly what He has promised to do. He is blessing us. It is possible that the only purpose of the miscarriages was to teach us faith. If so, that is reason enough to bear the pain. Our friend who struggles with depression is inexpressibly grateful for glimpses of light in her life. Our friend who is troubled by compulsions has learned to hold to cherished family members. The friend beset by doubts finds simple ways to serve.

“Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord” (D&C 98:3).

A cynic may scoff, “Your pain, your afflictions, your suffering work for your good and His glory? Life is only a senseless tangle of anguish with merciful periods of numbness.” So it may seem.

Yet the universe is packed with irony. The keenest may be that God has so structured the universe that believing and disbelieving are equally viable. Only a very brave God would do such a thing. But He has woven assurances of His redemptiveness into the fabric of the universe. Only a compassionate God would do such a thing. When we put on the mantle of faith, a quiet confidence distills upon us.

Many Nephites found that as they grew in their humility and faith, their souls were filled with joy and consolation (Helaman 3:35). On top of present comfort, God offers eternal blessing to those who look beyond the immediate pain.

“And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more” (D&C 78:19).

Our national tragedies can unite us in faith. Our family struggles can join us in love. Our personal disappointments can refine our purposes and strengthen our faith. Perhaps the surest sign of faith in a believer is that tragedy evokes submission and praise.

Lord, I know not what I ought to ask of thee; Thou only knowest what I need; Thou lovest me better than I know how to love myself. O Father! give to Thy child that which he himself knows not how to ask. I dare not ask either for crosses or consolations: I simply present myself before Thee, I open my heart to Thee. . . . Smite, or heal; depress me, or raise me up: I adore all thy purposes without knowing them; I am silent; I offer myself in sacrifice; I yield myself to Thee; I would have no other desire than to accomplish Thy will. Teach me to pray. Pray Thyself in me. Amen. (François de la Mothe Fenelon, quoted in Fosdick, Meaning of Prayer, pp. 58–59).

Adversity is a sacred trust. It is the raw material for making gold. When we put our earthly experiences on the altar of faith, He transforms them into glory.

“He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him” (2 Nephi 26:24).

Armed with faith we see the blessing in adversity.


Want to bring NEW LIFE to your marriage?

Nothing is more important, or more rewarding, than strengthening and nurturing your relationship with your eternal sweetheart. Whether you’re newlyweds or have celebrated your golden anniversary, it’s never too early, or too late, to improve the quality of your marriage.At the ‘Becoming a Celestial Partner’ Retreat you will learn how to magnify the bonds of marriage and get more out of your sacred union, including:1. Being more CHRIST-CENTERED2. Stronger FRIENDSHIP3. Increased UNDERSTANDINGWe know that one of our most essential purposes on this Earth is to create a loving and powerful celestial marriage with our eternal companion, and yet we often allow the distractions of daily life to sidetrack us from that objective.The ‘Becoming a Celestial Partner’ retreat offers a fast track to constructive change in a fun and relaxed environment. You can expect to experience profound, lasting results that will transform your marriage. At the retreat you will be given the tools you need to keep your marriage strong and productive long after the retreat has ended.What better time to experience a rebirth of love, connection, and meaning in your marriage than now?When: Friday, June 19th (6pm to 9 pm) to Saturday, June 20th (9am to 2pm)Where: Coral Desert Health Center, 1490 E. Foremaster Drive, Suite 340, St. George, UT 84770Cost: $89/couple (includes registration, materials and snacks, but not lodging or meals).Your guides for this transformational event will be Wally Goddard and his son, Andy Goddard. Wally is a Professor and Family Life Specialist with the Arkansas Cooperative Extension Service. He has created numerous family programs and a PBS television series. He is a popular columnist for Meridian Magazine. Andy works as a trainer and speaker in the areas of parenting, marriage, and self development. He lives in Cedar Hills, Utah, and is the father of 4 children. You’ll also get to hear from their better halves, Nancy and Natalie!Our marriage retreat creates deep, meaningful change by focusing on the core principles of marital happiness. You’ll learn practical ways to improve your marriage that can do more for your relationship than spending months in regular counseling!What makes this couples retreat so effective?1. A Focus on RESULTS—Resolve issues effectively using a Gospel-centered approach2. A Chance to RECONNECT—Spend a weekend away from distractions getting to know your sweetheart on a whole new level3. REAL Tools, Not Just Talk —Learn a powerful range of easy, effective tools to create positive changes in your relationshipA good marriage retreat generally costs several hundred or even thousands of dollars to participate in, whereas we offer a great marriage retreat for less than $100. That’s because we have a genuine commitment to helping couples fulfill their divine potential. We didn’t want cost to be a factor in preventing any couple from participating in this transformational event. However, don’t procrastinate- space is limited!

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Women in the House

The Backstory

The Bible gives us only fragments of life stories. Characters drop into the narrative with no backstory and disappear with no description of their futures.  We are challenged by the drama that is told but are mystified by the drama that remains untold. What brought the people to the Bible stage? What pains and disappointments did they bring to their brief appearances? What was the result of their few minutes with Divinity? Was their journey like ours? Or were the characters in the Bible accounts different from us?

Since the Bible does not provide details for any but a few, we are left to wonder. Or to speculate. None of us is authorized to declare the backstory. But maybe God will forgive us if we try to humanize those people who show up in His story by imagining stories that seem plausible—or at least possible. Perhaps, more importantly, we will better appreciate God’s goodness as we see ways that their stories may be like our own.

The story of the woman who washes Jesus’ feet in the house of Simon the Pharisee (Luke 7: 36-50) provides a beautiful contrast between the small, shriveled stinginess of the Pharisees and the infinite graciousness and bigness of the Savior. Jesus invites us to see this earth’s travelers more as He does than as the Pharisees did.

But we are not just local dignitaries. He also invites us to see ourselves as those desperately needy of His grace. We are travelers who come to His feet with tears.

Consider a backstory that might help us understand what might have brought a broken woman to Jesus to be made whole.

She stumbled from the dirty dwelling feeling empty. Empty? Maybe the feeling was closer to worthless. She felt like a filthy rag that was tossed aside after outlasting its usefulness.

She couldn’t decide whether to rage or despair. Again she had been used. The sullen stranger did not even look in her eyes. He did not talk to her. He took what he wanted and pushed her out of his bed, out of his grim place. The pay was hardly worth the humiliation.

She sagged onto a crude wooden box in the alley. Emptiness yielded to worthlessness and battled with the cold embers that once were rage. She really had no place to go. “Home” was nothing more than a ramshackle place that no one wanted on the edge of town.

She might have sat there for a long time if she hadn’t heard voices. She roused from her dreary reflection, straightened her posture, and dusted her robes. With fixed resolve she marched toward her home on the far side of the market and the growing crowd.

Villagers babbled excitedly about something. She tried to hear their words. But, when they saw her, they either turned away and whispered or stopped and stared at her. She was used to the staring. She was used to their coldness.

She turned the corner into the market and stumbled into the center of a drama. Just in front of her was Thaddeus and, crouched down talking to him, holding his hand was a Rabbi. She froze. She herself had talked to Thaddeus when no one was around. But she had never touched him. She had figured that it was bad enough to be seen as a sinner without being known as a friend of lepers.

The crowd watched Thaddeus and the Rabbi. In some faces was horror. How could a teacher of the people embrace one who was unclean? How could he violate such a sacred law and ensure personal defilement? Was he a lunatic?

On other faces was puzzlement. It was clear to even a casual observer that Thaddeus was a leper. But they had heard about a Rabbi who cured infirmities, plagues, evil spirits, and blindness. Were they witnessing a miracle or a travesty? They watched in wonderment. The crowd buzzed and stared.

She noticed that the Rabbi looked warmly into Thaddeus’ eyes. He gently lifted his chin and spoke quietly to him. Thaddeus seemed to quake beneath the glare of attention. The Rabbi paused, and spoke distinctly. “Be thou clean.” Thaddeus convulsed, fell toward the Rabbi and wept. Warm and gentle arms encircled the leper. It seemed like time stood still. The Rabbi stood over Thaddeus. He reached down and took the leper by the hand. Only Thaddeus was no longer gnarled and fusty. He was whole. He stood straight, strong, and incredulous.

Sarai was aware that some in the crowd were dividing their judgment between the Rabbi and her. Her discomfort was growing—but she wanted to understand what she was seeing. She had long ago given up any hope for kindness—and yet she hungered for the grace she had just witnessed. She couldn’t leave.

The Rabbi looked past Thaddeus and directly into her eyes. His gentle gaze studied her face. She found herself yearning to run to him. He had healed Thaddeus. Could he somehow heal her of loneliness, filthiness, and despair? She dared not believe it was possible. She dared not believe there was anything special enough about her to warrant his attention. She had made too many mistakes, too many foul choices.

She turned and shuffled away. Yet she was haunted. This Rabbi wasn’t like other men. His look was not greedy or dismissive. It was filled with compassion. It offered hope. She ached to run back to him and ask who he was and why he was different. But her hunger to be out of the public eye was stronger than her prospect of hope.

As she hurried homeward, the streets were quieter and emptier. She arrived at her hut and threw herself on her mat. Her cold indifference was under assault from both despair and hope. Finally she wept angry tears. What hope was there for her? Why had she let herself be touched by a strange Rabbi? What could he do for her? What could anyone do for her?

When there were no tears left, Sarai wiped her face. She sat cold and empty. After long minutes, she turned to the corner of her hut and reached into a recess in the wall. Carefully she removed an alabaster box of ointment. Wearily she stared at her one token of respectability. She had invested much of her ill-gotten gains in this emblem of decency. She had skipped many a meal in order to amass this perfume. She closed her eyes and drew a deep breath.

She opened the box with plans to anoint herself with the sweet smell of respectability. But somehow it didn’t seem to be enough. Her soul was weary. She no longer had the energy to defend herself against the world’s insults. She sat empty.

Then the thought came. Was it a thought or an impulse? Whatever it was, it was fully unexpected. She would go to Him. Why would she throw herself on the Rabbi’s mercy? Why would she further humiliate herself? But her mission was clear: She would anoint the Rabbi with the only thing she had of value. She held the alabaster box to her breast and filled her lungs with fresh resolve. She pushed out of her hut toward her future.

She hurried down the street toward the market. Somewhere in the back of her mind was the nagging concern: What do I think this Rabbi can do for me? How will my life be any different after I anoint him? Why am I risking disappointment yet again? But the background concern could not draw attention from her resolve.

Sarai arrived in the market and was surprised to find that it appeared to be a normal day in the market. The Rabbi was nowhere to be seen. She scanned the market desperately. She ran to the fish seller and begged, “Where is the Rabbi?” He grunted and turned away.

She ran to the beggar with the same question. His sad eyes looked at her. He nodded down the alley. She scuttled that direction. As she walked she spotted a group in the alley.

Sarai pushed through the group that stood as mute spectators of the Rabbi at meat with several of the leading Pharisees in the home of Simon.

She pushed her way to the entrance of the courtyard. Did she dare to intrude on the Pharisees? One of the men in the crowd seemed to read her thoughts and leaned to block her path. She had imagined an encounter with the Rabbi like the one she witnessed between the Rabbi and Thaddeus. Now that seemed impossible. The Rabbi was the guest of the Pharisees. No woman was welcome and certainly not a woman of her reputation.

Sarai sagged. The tears began to seep from her soul. Her only hope was just beyond reach. Suddenly she could not wait. She pushed past the men and into the courtyard. She stumbled to the Rabbi’s feet and poured the ointment on his dusty feet. Her tears blended with the ointment as her soul poured out.

The gasp of disgust that radiated from Simon and his friends did not even matter. She was focused on the Rabbi. Would he pull away from her? He did not. He placed His hand on her head and she felt the warmth of His love. The tears poured from her years of shame. For the first time in her life, she felt loved without being exploited. She felt cared for rather than judged. She felt a peace she had never known. The dusty feet that trod the hills of Galilee carried her soul to a place she had never known.

She was oblivious to a scandalized crowd, the appalled Pharisees, the conversation between the Pharisees and the Rabbi. She only saw the Rabbi. Then He turned to her and she flinched. Would He, having accepted her gift, now push her away? Would He demand that she put her life in order and become the person she had never been able to be? Would He rebuke her?

No. He turned His warm face full to hers, took her face in both hands and spoke words she never imagined possible: “Dear Sister, your sins are forgiven.”

He poured goodness into her soul with His gaze.

Forgiven? The ugliness of her life could be removed? Her sense of humiliation could be taken away? He was seeing possibilities and worth in her? It didn’t seem possible.

Jesus stood and turned to Simon and his fellow Pharisees. She heard Him pronounce a blessing upon them. “May your home be filled with the goodness you grant to those who are lost.” The Pharisees sat impenetrably before Him.

Jesus turned back to Sarai. “Come.” He lifted her from the ground. She followed Him as He walked from the courtyard into the crowd of onlookers who parted before Him.

He walked some distance before He stopped and turned to a humble couple advanced in age. “John and Martha, one of my children has need of your help. Will you take her in and make her your own?” They trembled an answer, “Gladly, Master.”

He took Sarai by the arm and pulled her forward. “This is your new family. This is your new life. Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

Peace. When was the last time she had felt peace? She could not remember. But as Jesus was swallowed up in the crowd, she felt it. She was changed by it. Jesus had taken away her dead soul and replaced it with new life.

She didn’t know what the future held. But she wanted to always remember the gift the Rabbi had given her in return. Hope. Possibility. Compassion. Worth. Love.

She thought of others she knew who still lived in the despair and hopelessness she had experienced. She hoped she might one day be a messenger of His love and goodness to them. She hoped that her new life would give hope to others who were lost.

Of course we do not know anything about her fate. Did she become a faithful saint in the local branch? How many members accepted her and how many looked down on her? Did she follow her new family to a new community where she could start anew? Was she ultimately blessed with a loving husband and children of her own? We do not know. But I look forward to the day when I can sit at her feet and listen as she tells me the rest of her story.

Sometimes we become so familiar with scripture stories that we tend to reduce them to recorded events. We all know the story of the woman who washed and anointed the Savior’s feet. We have studied the description of her action and the Savior’s response. We have discussed it in Sunday school classes and have been instructed by the story.

Yet do we ponder the real woman involved? Do we consider the richness and personal meaning of her life story? Imagining her backstory makes the event even more meaningful.

Can some of us relate to her experience? Do we know what it feels like to be dismissed, ignored or judged by others? Do we feel defined by our sins and mistakes? Do we wish it were possible to change ourselves or our circumstances?

His invitation to her is also available to us. Have we run to Him with broken hearts throwing ourselves on His mercy? Have we looked into His eyes and been shocked by the love we feel? Have we sagged into His goodness and felt lifted heavenward?

His invitation is offered to all who seek Him. It is offered not only to me and to you but to every member of our families and wards. As we receive His love, we will rejoice to spread the good news. We will beg all to come and receive as we have received. We will be emissaries of His love.

This is startling good news. When we come to His feet brokenhearted and tear-stained, we can be embraced with His loving assurance: “Your faith has saved you. Travel life’s journey in peace.”