Category: Self Development

Stephen Robinson was the person who awakened me to the new LDS understanding of grace. He replaced my spiritual do-it-yourself attitude with an understanding of the infinite and eternal atonement. His book, Believing Christ, has changed my life—and the lives of thousands of Latter-day Saints.

Maybe Hafen, Wilcox, or Givens or someone else awakened you. Thank heaven that the light has dawned! We understand now better than ever that we cannot save ourselves. We can allow ourselves to be humbled. We can throw ourselves on His merits, mercy, and grace. But we are saved through His redemption. His is the only name under heaven whereby we can be saved (See Acts 4:12).

That doctrine is central to the Book of Mormon message. And the Bible’s message. Yet it required a new generation of messengers to break down our cultural resistance.

It seems to me that there is one thing still missing even after this remarkable revolution. It is a great first step to recognize that Jesus is a Savior who saves. It is quite another thing to fully accept that His saving can reach through my weakness, my contrariness, my fallenness and encircle me in the arms of His love (See Lehi’s words in 2 Nephi 1:15).

It is great to know that Jesus and His plan are so amazing. But it doesn’t change anything for me or any of us until we accept that He loves and fully intends to save us. The plan must become personal to be meaningful.

For years I believed and taught that Jesus loves us with an incomprehensible love. But I did not accept that He loved me because I knew that I often acted foolishly, selfishly, and wickedly. I often made bad choices while knowing better. As a result, I did not truly believe that He could love me or rescue me. I felt that His love could not reach past my badness.

I wish I could say that I matured into a wiser view of His redemptiveness. That’s not what happened. No. He tricked me into accepting His love.

When I was serving as a bishop, He sent a deeply troubled woman to visit with me. She described a life that was filled with the wreckage of bad choices and regrettable behaviors. I saw little hope for her. When she asked for counsel I was worried. What hope could I offer to someone whose life was in total shambles.

But then something astonishing happened. God reached to one of His troubled children through a weak messenger. I found myself telling this troubled woman that there were three things the Lord wanted her to do. I had no idea what they were. But the Lord told me there were three things. When I wrote the number “1” on a piece of paper, a clear, wise, loving, and encouraging message came. We discussed the idea. When I wrote the number “2” on the paper, another wise and loving bit of counsel came; likewise, with #3. God loved her, taught her, and sent her forth with hope and a plan.

I was dumbfounded. I was astonished by His love for even His most troubled children. I knelt on the floor and shook my head: “I had no idea how much You love your children! I just didn’t know.” If He could and did love her despite all that she had described to me, then He must also love me the same way.

Ever since that day, I have rejoiced in His love. I still grieve at my mistakes. But I repent more gladly and live more fully because I know that His love extends to me.

Dozens of readings of Believing Christ helped me understand the plan. I grew in my love and appreciation for Him. But His message did not become fully personal until God broke through my defenses and surprised me with His love!

I suspect that there are many saints who are committed appreciators of Jesus but not yet surrendered disciples. How do we move from appreciators to disciples? What are the steps?

I don’t know. He had to trick me. And the way He breaks through your defenses will be different from the way He broke through mine.

I suppose that we can lower our defenses. We can learn of His magnificent plan. But the experience of His love will always be a miracle. Maybe the best we can do is pray for it and embrace it when it comes. And we must trust that, because of His love, He does stand ready to save and redeem us. He carries each of us to glory.

As the years go by, I become more and more aware of “His relentless redemptiveness.” Story after story in scripture deliver the same message: God is faithful. He presides in our messy learning process. When we are foolish and contrary, He offers a fresh start through the atonement of Jesus Christ. With infinite patience, He oversees our development toward godliness, line upon line.

If you haven’t already felt that life-changing love, I wish I could tell you how to find it. I pray that you will persist in seeking it until you are swamped by the personal good news: Jesus loves YOU and intends to teach and bless you until you are ready to go to your Heavenly Home and join Him in the work of redemption.

Our friend John wondered why there were so few crickets. They used to make a racket every summer evening. Now they were almost silent. What was the reason? Pesticides? Winter freeze? Migration?

Then he got hearing aids. The first night after getting those devices, he asked his wife, “The crickets are so loud! Have they been that loud all along?”

Many of us know someone whose hearing has declined and finds it difficult to interpret the voices around them. The same thing can happen to our “spiritual hearing”. Over time our sensitivity to spiritual messages can diminish or disappear. We can become spiritually deaf.

“Ye have heard his voice from time to time; and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words” (1 Nephi 17:45).

There is an older high priest I know. When asked about his greatest spiritual experiences, he still referenced his mission which occurred 60 years ago. While he certainly should remember and treasure wonderful spiritual experiences during his mission, it is unfortunate that he doesn’t seem to acknowledge any more recent meaningful encounters with the Spirit. Has he stopped seeking the Spirit or craving heaven’s counsel? Does he imagine that the Spirit has gone silent regarding his life?

I contrast that high priest with David Biliter. When he was in our stake presidency, he typically began temple recommend interviews by asking, “Do you mind sharing with me the last time you felt the Spirit?” Every time he asked me that question, we were both flooded by heavenly light. Just asking the question invited the Spirit into our lives.

Our responsiveness to God is like being a horse on whom God is the Rider. When he pulls the bridle one way or the other, a reluctant horse may resist—having his own course in mind. A good horse will respond to the direction. A great horse will turn when God merely leans in the saddle. Our whole orientation can be welded to His will. But only if we welcome it.

How do we enjoy more of His influence and guidance in our lives? There are stock answers to that question. But those stock answers can be somewhat shallow. And they suggest there is a standard “one-size-fits-all” process to follow in order to listen to the Spirit. That is not the case. Each of us has our own communication style and learning process. Our Father understands us individually and customizes the way that He reaches out to each of us. Instead of trying to follow some standard recommendations, we should explore how God tailors His communications to us.

For some, the surest way to bring Him present is music. For example, I cannot play Glorious by the One Voice Children’s Choir without weeping with joy. It always touches me!

Others are inspired by nature. Time spent in God’s creation makes a heavenly connection for them.

Some connect best through prayer. Yet there many ways to pray. When we try to follow someone else’s formula, we may get frustrated. Elder Douglas Callister recommended that instead of offering the same rote prayers every day, “Choose what you want to talk to Father about. Just one, or two, or three things, not a great deal. But talk to him the way a child talks to a father that is much loved. When you get up from your knees, you’ll remember what you prayed for and it won’t be the same thing as the night before or the night which follows.” (“Take Control”, Devotional at Snow College)

Some may be uplifted by testifying. I love speaking and writing about God’s amazing work! As I share, He teaches me new things.

Some find the Divine through pondering. Some connect with the Spirit by asking questions and then listening for answers to come.

We can learn to hear the voice of God in scripture. There are thousands of different ways to find Him from reading and reflecting to using study guides and studying with friends. Our study program will change as our needs change. And they will vary by our personality.

What works for you? As you think of the best experiences you have had with the Spirit, how have those experiences been achieved? In what way does Heavenly Father connect with you individually? How do you best seek His voice and receive His messages? How can you have meaningful experiences with the Spirit more often?

Each of us must earnestly seek to find the way to cultivate the Spirit in our unique individual lives. The Holy Ghost is dedicated to the very serious business of getting us through the mess of mortality and back to Father. It makes sense for us to cooperate with Him.

If you had the opportunity for a great historical figure to visit you, how would you prepare for that visit? Chances are you would take that opportunity very seriously. Probably you would prepare carefully. You might think of questions you would want to ask. You likely would listen carefully and respectfully. You might earnestly take notes. You would probably reflect back upon the conversation afterwards. So shouldn’t we approach the opportunity to spend time with Heaven’s Messenger as seriously? We should grab that opportunity as often as we can! We should notice and honor His presence. We should be respectful of impressions He shares with us. We should give serious consideration to the truths He delivers and take action upon them.

For that reason I keep a small joy journal. Every day I record the things that went well. Naturally that includes any messages from Heaven. They come wrapped in joy. They inspire, comfort, and guide. I want to notice them, remember them, and guide my life by them.

Invitation: What could you do to be more mindful of God’s messages? What can you do to better guide your life by them?

Thanks to Barbara Keil for her insightful contributions to this article.

Recommendation: Consider reading a book on personal revelation such as Hearing the Voice of the Lord by Gerald N. Lund or Personal Revelation: How to Recognize Promptings of the Spirit by JoAnn Hibbert Hamilton

A good friend called to talk about a difficult uncle. He is distant and prickly. She is tired of trying to be nice to him when he shows only rudeness to her. I suggested that she try to understand his struggles and pains. She commented that he doesn’t deserve her compassion.

Deserve her compassion? It struck me instinctively that the proper question is never one of deservingness. None of us deserves compassion. We are all narrow and selfish. We all deserve condemnation.

Yet “if we demand an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, we will all soon be blind and toothless” (variously attributed).

We humans expect mercy and compassion for our misdeeds while offering justice and retribution to others for their misdeeds. We cluck at those who text while driving. But, when we text (or check movie schedules, or read emails) while driving, it is only for truly vital matters.

We resent any snubs from the people around us. Yet we ourselves sniff at or ignore unnumbered people every day.

We all know this is wrong but it is so common that our offences become like Muzak at the mall; we hardly notice. We become Pharisees humming Come, Come Ye Saints.

Occasionally our consciences tweak us. We feel the discomfort of acting at odds with our values. And we make a choice. We set aside conscience or we embrace it.

Let’s imagine we embrace conscience. For the woman dealing with a difficult uncle, it may be impossible to go directly from pain to compassion. She may need first to feel God’s compassion for her. He grieves at her suffering. He feels her pain personally and profoundly. When we allow ourselves to be filled with His compassion, it becomes possible for us to show compassion. When we have a vibrant, loving relationship with Him, it becomes possible to be His messengers.

How do we get there? What if we feel like spiritual failures? What if we can’t seem to find His love despite a lifetime of trying?

I don’t have any easy answer to those questions. In my case, Heavenly Father tricked me. He showed me how much He loved His most broken and desperate children. As I witnessed His love for them, I finally stopped resisting His love for me. I finally sang the song of redeeming love in a personal way.

I don’t know how He will reach you. But I am sure it is always good for us to drop our defenses against Him. It is good to beg for an outpouring of His love. I cannot say what your path will be but I know that He is anxious to fill you, to bless you, to love you, to heal you, and to partner with you.

If God weeps with the suffering of His wicked children (Moses 7), He certainly grieves over our struggles. Feeling His compassion and devotion prepares us to act like Him—offering compassion to our fellow travelers.

Because we are in a fallen world, we are all injured, broken, damaged, and fragmented. Rather than scoff at each other’s injuries, we can be kind; After all, “everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” We can offer a crust of bread and a kind word to every person we meet. We can work to notice each person God places in our paths.

When we are filled with the love of God, we can turn toward people with warm and loving curiosity: What unique gift has God given this person? What can I learn from this child of God? What might God call me to do for this person?

The surest way to draw heaven into our lives is to show compassion—undeserved compassion. “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again” (Luke 6:38).

I love Joni Hilton’s invitation: “Next time you’re in line at the market, or pumping gas, or in the workplace, notice the people around you and the quick conclusions you’re tempted to draw. Catch yourself judging unfairly and rewind the tape. Instead, see this person as a child of God who is loved and hoped for. Know that a Patriarchal Blessing awaits this person. Realize they cheered in the Pre-mortal World when they heard the Plan of Happiness. Ask a silent prayer to see if your path was meant to cross theirs today, to help them and bring them the truth” (Joni Hilton, Meridian Magazine, Are You More Judgmental than You Think? http://www.ldsmag.com/article/1/12281)

It feels good to show love.

Invitation:

Ask Heavenly Father for the gift to really see people—especially to see them as He sees them. Pause to offer compassion, to pray for them, to appreciate them. If appropriate, ask them about themselves. Enter their worlds with interest and compassion. Express appreciation. Pray for them.

Recommendations:

I recommend that everyone read Stephen Robinson’s Believing Christ.

Here’s a great idea …

In their publication, The Personal Journey, Wally Goddard and James Marshall say, “In the hike of life, we can focus on the obstacles along the trail or the beauty that surrounds us. Those who find beauty in daily life travel well.”

In other words …

Our lives will always be filled with both blessing and challenges. If we choose to focus on the challenges, it is easy to become overwhelmed and discouraged, but if instead we focus on the blessings and beauty our lives can be filled with joy and optimism.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life …

What beauty or good can you find in your life? What do you have to be grateful for? Try writing down one or two things for which you are grateful each day. The more you look for the good in your life, the more happiness you will find.

To find out more …

about personal well-being, check out The Personal Journey or Managing Stress programs at arfamilies.org, follow us at facebook.com/navigatinglife contact your local county Extension agent.

Here’s a great idea …

In their book, What Happy People Know, Dan Baker and Cameron Stauth say, “Forgiveness doesn’t alter what has happened. The memory remains; the hurt is unchanged. But forgiveness grants us new eyes, through the grace of love, that see the hurt in a different way.” (p. 106)

In other words …

Sometimes when someone has hurt us, we will hang on to the hate and anger. We refuse to forgive because we think that by so doing we are excusing what the person has done. That is a mistake. Forgiveness is less about the other person and more about releasing ourselves from the feelings that hold us hostage. Forgiveness allows us to move on with our lives.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life …

Are there people you need to forgive? Do you have any anger or resentment tucked away? Choose to forgive and set yourself free to live a happier, fuller life.

To find out more …

about personal well-being, check out The Personal Journey or Managing Stress programs at arfamilies.org, follow us at facebook.com/navigatinglife contact your local county Extension agent. You may also enjoy reading What Happy People Know.

 

It seems to me that great rejoicing in the Atonement is often evoked by great challenges in life. And Nephi’s Psalm in 2 Nephi 4 is a great case in point.

When we consider this chapter in perspective, we see that in verse 12 Lehi died. Think about what that would have meant to Nephi. Lehi was not only his father, but also the prophet leader. He was Nephi’s mentor and guide. What a keen loss this would have been for Nephi.

Lehi died and, as you might expect, Laman and Lemuel promptly got angry along with those who followed them.

Then Nephi’s thoughts turned to the record he had been keeping. I wonder if in some ways that was a burden to him as well. After all, it was his father who taught him in language and culture and now his father was gone. His father mentored and tutored him in keeping a sacred record and now he felt the pressure to try to keep the people together, to keep the record and to do the work of God.

Sometimes the Atonement becomes more meaningful when we get desperate.

In verse 15, Nephi said, “Upon these I write the things of my soul… For my soul delighteth in the scriptures.”  And then in verse 16, “My soul delighteth in the things of the Lord.” But even as he rejoiced, he observed, “Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord…” (v. 17).

There is something about knowing the greatness and goodness of God that makes us more aware, more mindful, more burdened by our limitations and humanness.  So he went on in verse 17, “Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of my iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth…”

Nephi gave us no clues about those sins and probably we don’t need to know. We don’t know if he was burdened that sometimes he forgot to do his chores or make his bed in the morning. We don’t know if perhaps he failed to save his best energy for prayer. We don’t know whether he had a sensitive soul that became troubled by fairly small mistakes and failings when God had blessed him so abundantly. Or perhaps Nephi was more like most of us—someone who blundered and soiled his life time and time again. Was he burdened by anger, lust, selfishness and all the other common afflictions of mortality? We don’t know. And we don’t need to know because the principles that Nephi teaches us in this great psalm are the same if our sins are of the minor variety or the larger, more common variety.

So he confessed to us, “Despite the goodness of God, my heart sorroweth, my soul greiveth because of my iniquities.” But then there was a turning point: “Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted” (v. 19). That word trust is going to turn out to be very important in this chapter.

“My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions… he hath preserved me… He hath filled me with his love… He hath confounded mine enemies…” (vs. 20-22).

I don’t know why it took me so long to notice that the real focal point had changed from what was so wrong with Nephi to what was so right with God. That’s quite a transformation isn’t it? Nephi was no longer focused on his little known and, to him, abundant shortcomings. His focus turned to God who time and again, in spite of all his weaknesses, blessed him, looked after him, magnified him, and enlarged him.

I think Nephi’s message is: God is able to do His work even with flawed, fallen, imperfect people like us.

Let’s jump  to verse 26. “Oh then, if I have seen so great things…”

Have we seen such great things? Having seen great things, have we appreciated them?  Having witnessed God’s work in our lives and in the lives of those around us, have we been mindful of that work and grateful for it?

“O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow… why should I yield to sin…? Why should I give way to temptations…? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?” (vs. 26-27)

These questions are not asked in the sense of, “If I have been given such great training, then why do I behave so badly?” These questions are really very different.  The real issue Nephi seemed burdened by was: “If the Lord has been so gracious, then why do I keep myself so vulnerable to sin? Why do I allow myself to be snared by evil?”

Then came the call from his soul which said, “Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy  of my soul” (v. 28).  Notice the theme of “awake and rejoice”.  Be mindful of God and His goodness.  Be mindful of His readiness to help and bless us.  And then, having done that, rejoice.

“Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation” (v. 30).

Then came that plea for divine help because Nephi wanted very much to resist any incursion of sin into his life. “O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin” (v. 31)?

Make it so that sin is ugly to me and detestable and not the least bit attractive. Make it so that sin has no draw to me, but rather it is holiness that I crave.  “May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite” (v. 32)! Isn’t that the recognition that all that we have and are is a blessing from God and due to His goodness?

“O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness” (2 Nephi 4:33)!  In other words—my holiness ultimately is a sacred gift from Thee.

Let’s conclude with verse 34.  “O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh.  Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.”

So Nephi really launched into this psalm in earnest as he said, “Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.”  He concluded by saying five times: “trust”.  Trust God, not myself. Trust God, not any other human. It is God who must save us. And he ended by proclaiming, “He is the rock, the everlasting God”

May we follow the great example set by Nephi. May we trust in God and throw ourselves on the merits, mercy and grace of the Holy Messiah.

The new year invites us to make resolutions. But too often resolutions merely accentuate our failings. Are we ever enlarged by our aspirations—or only reminded of our chronic failings?

For years my solution has been to avoid the whole mess. I just kept trying but without setting specific goals. I did not suffer the pain of failed aspirations.

Yet, as the annual temptation to make resolutions arises again, I have resolved to take a new approach. I want to try renewable resolutions.

I will make those resolutions that beckon to my soul. I will recklessly commit to no anger, unrelenting compassion, and unflagging faith. My resolutions will be less timid than any time in the past.

I know that I will yet again lose my temper, judge another, and espouse the narrow view. But this is where my new approach will be different. My resolutions will not be some misguided commitment to henceforth be perfect. No. I will work at the resolutions knowing that I will fall short. And when I do, I will follow the scriptural pattern.

The publican stumbled to the temple and cried, “God be merciful to me a sinner” (Luke 18:13). When I fall short, I will do the same. I will cry out for God’s mercy: “O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death” (Alma 36:18).

I know that my only hope for any real reformation of my character is in Jesus. I will, more than ever, turn to Him for the changes that will gradually make me what He invites me to be.