Something Better Than Change

A Great Idea …

“[In times of conflict] the natural inclination is to try to change your partner, but efforts directed solely at such change often make the conflict worse. When you genuinely accept your partner, you may achieve peace from the conflict and, paradoxically, change from your partner.” (Andrew Christensen and Neil S. Jacobson in their book, Reconcilable Differences, p. 11)

In Other Words …

Acceptance is the gateway to marital satisfaction. When we try to force our partners to change, they are likely to feel threatened and become defensive, digging in their heels and refusing to budge. Change is most likely when our partners feel loved and accepted as they are.

How This Applies to You…

Next time you are tempted to demand changes from your partner, try acceptance instead. Consider the qualities you enjoy. Dwell on the good times you’ve shared. You can’t change your partner but you can change yourself and your way of thinking about your partner.

To Find Out More…

For an excellent (and free!) program on marriage, see The Marriage Garden at Arkansas Families.

For an excellent book focused on marriage, read Reconcilable Differences by Andrew Christensen & Neil S. Jacobson or The Marriage Garden by H. Wallace Goddard and James P. Marshall.

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