What’s The Antidote For Contempt?

Here’s a great idea …

In their book, 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, John and Julie Gottman say, “Feelings of fondness and admiration are the perfect antidotes to contempt. When couples make a full, conscious effort to notice things they like about each other’s personalities and character, and to express that fondness right out loud, their relationships typically improve.”

In other words …

It’s easy to notice when our partner’s do things that bother us, and these little annoyances can quickly build up. The way to counteract this is to remember the things you appreciate and admire about your partner.

Here’s how you can use this idea to have a better life …

This week actively look for things you enjoy about your partner. Notice the small things they do that make your life and relationship better. And when you notice those things, express your appreciation. Look for any reason to offer sincere compliments and praise.

To find out more…

about couple relationships, check out The Marriage Garden program at arfamilies.org, follow us at facebook.com/navigatinglifeor contact your local county Extension agent. You can also read 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage.

Author: H. Wallace Goddard

Wally Goddard is a retired professor of Family Life having served in Arkansas and Alabama. He developed programs on personal well-being, marriage, and parenting. He is well known for his many creative family programs, including The Marriage Garden, The Parenting Journey, and Blueprint for Happiness. Wally has authored or co-authored several books including Between Parent and Child, The Soft-Spoken Parent, and Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. He has been recognized by his colleagues with several awards including the Outstanding Family Life Educator Award. Wally and his wife, Nancy, have three adult children, fourteen grandchildren, and have cared for many foster children over the years. Wally describes Nancy as the finest human being he has ever known.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *