Make Your Child A Partner in Problem-Solving


A Great Idea …

“In most homes children present problems, but parents find the solutions. If children are to mature they must be given many opportunities to solve their own problems.” (Haim Ginott, child psychologist, in his book, Between Parent and Child, p. 88)

In Other Words …

Coaching children toward solutions can take more wisdom and patience than telling them what to do, but we can see the benefit: children learn to be problem-solvers. For example, when a child is having trouble with another child, we could ladle out advice or we could wisely invite:, “What have you tried? How did it work? What else could you try?”

Of course there are many times when we suggest possibilities and define limits. But the more we get our children involved in solving their problems, the more we equip them with skills that will last for a lifetime.

How This Applies to You …

The next time your child comes to you with a problem, do not automatically suggest an answer. Talk to them about the situation. Ask them to come up with possible solutions. Discuss likely outcomes. Make the solving of the problem a cooperative effort.

To Find Out More …

For an excellent (and free!) program on parenting, see The Parenting Journey at www.arfamilies.org and if your children are younger than six, check out See the World Through My Eyes.

For more in-depth reading, we recommend Between Parent and Child by Haim Ginott or Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman.

Author: H. Wallace Goddard

Wally Goddard is a retired professor of Family Life having served in Arkansas and Alabama. He developed programs on personal well-being, marriage, and parenting. He is well known for his many creative family programs, including The Marriage Garden, The Parenting Journey, and Blueprint for Happiness. Wally has authored or co-authored several books including Between Parent and Child, The Soft-Spoken Parent, and Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. He has been recognized by his colleagues with several awards including the Outstanding Family Life Educator Award. Wally and his wife, Nancy, have three adult children, fourteen grandchildren, and have cared for many foster children over the years. Wally describes Nancy as the finest human being he has ever known.

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