When Your Partner Hurts You

A Great Idea …

“See beyond your partner’s negative actions in the moment to the good intentions from which they spring or the positive consequences they sometimes have.” (Andrew Christensen in his book, Reconcilable Differences, p. 6)

In Other Words …

Even when our partners’ words and actions sting us, we can resist the urge to sting back. We can recognize that maybe they were trying to be helpful. Or maybe they didn’t know that their actions would hurt us.

When we react, we start a war that no one wins. By choosing to look for something helpful, we make it likely that our relationships will be stronger and happier.

How This Applies to You…

Next time you feel stung by your partner’s action, take a deep breath. Rather than defend yourself, put all your energy into understanding and appreciating your partner’s helpful intent.

To Find Out More…

For an excellent (and free!) program on marriage, see The Marriage Garden at Arkansas Families.

For an excellent book focused on marriage, read Reconcilable Differences by Andrew Christenson & Neil S. Jacobson or The Marriage Garden by H. Wallace Goddard and James P. Marshall.

Author: H. Wallace Goddard

Wally Goddard is a retired professor of Family Life having served in Arkansas and Alabama. He developed programs on personal well-being, marriage, and parenting. He is well known for his many creative family programs, including The Marriage Garden, The Parenting Journey, and Blueprint for Happiness. Wally has authored or co-authored several books including Between Parent and Child, The Soft-Spoken Parent, and Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. He has been recognized by his colleagues with several awards including the Outstanding Family Life Educator Award. Wally and his wife, Nancy, have three adult children, fourteen grandchildren, and have cared for many foster children over the years. Wally describes Nancy as the finest human being he has ever known. View all posts by H. Wallace Goddard