Outsmart Your Anger

A Great Idea …

“There are ways to deal with anger besides pouring molten lava on those we love. The popular belief that if we do not express our anger, it will explode-or come out in sick forms-is simply mistaken. When we dwell on our anger it grows. In contrast, when we set it aside, it can cool. Anger is a little like tasting very hot soup. We must allow it to cool a little before we eat it or we will burn our mouths.” (Professor of Family Life, Dr. H. Wallace Goddard, in his book, Soft-Spoken Parenting, p. 14)

In Other Words …

When we are angry, our instinctive reaction is to lash out at those around us. Our empathy dries up, and we become hyper-focused on the thing that bothers us. We often gather up armloads of complaints. Having disarmed ourselves of our most important tools, we find it hard to solve problems or build relationships.

How This Applies to You …

The next time your child makes you angry, try swimming against the tide of anger. Instead of drowning your empathy, try listening to it. Instead of focusing on the irritation, try seeing the larger picture. Instead of looking for added complaints, stop and give yourself a few minutes to calm down. Once you have cooled off, then you can deal with the situation more helpfully.

To Find Out More …

For an excellent (and free!) program on parenting, see The Parenting Journey at www.arfamilies.org and if your children are younger than six, check out See the World Through My Eyes.

For more in depth reading on parenting, we recommend Soft-spoken Parenting by H. Wallace Goddard or Anger Kills by Redford and Virginia Williams.

Author: H. Wallace Goddard

Wally Goddard is a retired professor of Family Life having served in Arkansas and Alabama. He developed programs on personal well-being, marriage, and parenting. He is well known for his many creative family programs, including The Marriage Garden, The Parenting Journey, and Blueprint for Happiness. Wally has authored or co-authored several books including Between Parent and Child, The Soft-Spoken Parent, and Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. He has been recognized by his colleagues with several awards including the Outstanding Family Life Educator Award. Wally and his wife, Nancy, have three adult children, fourteen grandchildren, and have cared for many foster children over the years. Wally describes Nancy as the finest human being he has ever known. View all posts by H. Wallace Goddard