I grew up trying to overcome my strengths. I didn’t like the excesses that came from my native enthusiasm, so I determined to be moderate. I hated the distractibility that came with my creativity, so I resolved to be steady.
I was a man at war with himself. I was neither happy nor productive.
It was immensely liberating for me when, as an adult, I read the recommendation of brilliant psychologist, Martin Seligman:
“I do not believe that you should devote overly much effort to correcting your weaknesses. Rather, I believe that the highest success in living and the deepest emotional satisfaction comes from building and using your signature strengths” (p. 13, Authentic Happiness)
Our focus should be on using our strengths! What an intriguing idea! How does that fit with the Gospel of Jesus Christ? What is the Lord’s program of gifts? A careful study of the scriptures, especially Paul’s message in 1 Corinthians 12 provides God’s instructions for a full life.
1. To every person is given a gift by the Spirit of God.
God equips every child with a gift or some combination of gifts. The question is not whether we have gifts, but whether we have discovered them.
Each of us should study and pray to come to know the gifts we have been given. I recommend that you take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths (including a to learn your signature strengths. The Keirsey Temperament Sorter or Myers-Briggs test can also be a resource. The first two of these can be taken free online. (They will try to sell you an extended interpretation; in my view, you don’t need that.)
We can also become more aware of our gifts as we notice what kind of work we love.
HOW TO TEACH THIS PRINCIPLE TO YOUR FAMILY:
a. Notice and appreciate your children’s gifts.
b. Use The Great Self Mystery worksheet and discuss the results as a family. Each choice tells you something important about the person who completed the worksheet.
c. Take the VIA Survey of Character Strengths. The youth version is available at:
d. Write the name of each person in the family on the top of a blank piece of paper. Pass the paper around the family with each family member writing a strength they see in the person on their page. Discuss the results.
e. Have each person keep a record of their joyful activities. When we study the things that bring us joy, we learn important things about our gifts.
2. God encourages us to notice and appreciate the gifts and strengths of others. No one has every gift.
The human tendency is to compare ourselves to others and feel we don’t measure up. But we are not given the same gifts as others. The apostle Paul had different gifts from Peter’s. Simone Biles has different gifts from Taylor Swift. You have different gifts than I do.
There are many different gifts, and every person is given specialized gifts by the Spirit of God.
Rather than worrying that we do not measure up to the gifts of others, we should understand and celebrate the gifts we are given. If we fail to use our gifts because we consider them inferior to someone else’s gifts, then we are unwise servants. It is better to rejoice in the gifts given to others and combine them with our own in service to worthy causes.
As the apostle Paul brilliantly observed, “And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you” (1 Corinthians 12:21). Each part of the body has an essential function!
HOW TO TEACH THIS PRINCIPLE TO YOUR FAMILY:
a. Read 1 Corinthians 12:14-27 together and discuss the amazing ways different body systems work together to provide us joyous and productive lives. Discuss how the failure of just one organ would impair the whole body.
b. After family members have completed the VIA Survey of Character Strengths, compare your reports. Notice the different strengths in family members and discuss the ways these different strengths bless the family.
c. Have each family member name their favorite food. Invite the family to consider what would happen if you took a serving of each family member’s favorite food and put it in a giant mixer with all the other family members’ favorite foods. After blending it all together, would you have a perfect meal? No! You would have a mess! Rather than compare our gifts, we should use our gifts to help each other.
d. Discuss the fact that every gift imposes certain limitations. For example, people who are easy-going may not feel motivated. Those who are fun-loving may not be steady. Along with valuing our own gifts, we may need to be patient with our limitations and wisely combine our talents with those of others.
3. God gave us gifts so we could bless and strengthen each other.
For those who are tempted to covet others’ gifts, God has given the good news that all gifts in all people belong to all of us in a community of caring and service. God has not given us gifts so that we may win trophies and impress our neighbors. He has given us gifts so that all may be profited thereby.
Discoveries from research have shown that using our gifts to serve others actually contributes to our level of happiness in life. God has always known the growth-promoting and healing benefits of serving and loving. When our gifts are woven together in a tapestry of caring, we are filling the measure of our creation. We are becoming more like Him.
Prophets of every era have counseled us to serve and bless one another. It is essential to our growth. We can do God’s work by pondering how we can better use the specific gifts He has given us in ministering to others.
HOW TO TEACH THIS PRINCIPLE TO YOUR FAMILY:
a. Have family members describe how each person’s gifts have blessed them and the family.
b. Have each person describe times they have served others and the joy it brought them.
c. Have family members talk about needs they have seen and ways they would like to serve. Invite family members to work together to serve.
4. Keep growing.
God encourages us to keep growing. We pray for God to enlarge and refine us. For example, we pray earnestly for the gifts of kindness, charity, and wisdom. We pray for any gift that will enable us to bless His children. The fact that you have precious gifts already does not mean that you are through growing.
The fact that God calls these “gifts” should remind us of the source. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights” (James 1:17).
HOW TO TEACH THIS PRINCIPLE TO YOUR FAMILY:
a. Have each family member talk about experiences that have helped them grow and become better recently.
b. Have each family member talk about ways they would like to grow next. For example, one family member may want to take singing lessons and another might want to volunteer at a homeless shelter in order to better understand people who are struggling.
5. Give thanks to God for your gifts and every opportunity you have to use them.
“O give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever” (Psalms 107:1).
Gratitude opens the windows of heaven. How we ought to thank our heavenly King for everything! All gifts are a divine bestowal intended to bless all of our brothers and sisters. Part of gratitude is acknowledging and magnifying our gifts.
HOW TO TEACH THIS PRINCIPLE TO YOUR FAMILY:
a. Often at the dinner table, especially on the Sabbath, we invite each family member to tell their best experiences of the day. We share in appreciating the work God is doing for each of us.
b. When you have opportunities to use your gifts to help others, be sure to thank God both for the gifts He has given you and your opportunities to use them.
So, is Seligman right? Should our focus be on using our gifts more than eliminating our faults? God’s program of gifts seems consistent with that idea. When we develop and use our gifts, we have inexpressible joy. We join with others in accomplishing God’s work.
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