A Great Idea …
“In times of great stress, when children experience fears, anxieties, worries, or angry feelings, there will be the temptation to provide the reassurance for them, versus offering an empathic, warm, and very available relationship in which they can work out their own feelings.” (Pediatrician, Stanley I. Greenspan, in his book, The Secure Child p. 30)
In Other Words …
When our children are upset, we sometimes rush to reassure them that everything will be ok. This may or may not be helpful. A better approach is to listen compassionately to them. Let them take the lead. As they talk through their feelings, there is a good chance that they will find the solutions to their problems.
How This Applies to You …
The next time your child is struggling with intense feelings, take time to listen. Just listen. Try to understand and feel what the child is feeling. As long as the child is upset, say nothing but words to show that you understand the child’s feelings.
To Find Out More …
For more great ideas (or to share your ideas), visit our Navigating Life’s Journey blog.
For an excellent (and free!) program on parenting, see The Parenting Journey at www.arfamilies.org and, if you have children less than 6 years of age, check out See the World Through My Eyes.
For more in-depth reading, we recommend The Secure Child by Stanley Greenspan Between Parent and Child by Haim G. Ginott.
Comment
This is such a good reminder, Wally. I’m the mom of a young adult and I have to fight the urge to “Fix” problems but to say, “I’m here while you fix this.” Thanks again for some great advice. Nancy